When I was in high school, I was known as the martial artist. During my first few years in elementary school. I remember doing punches and kicks on the basketball court while all the other kids played football and basketball. When high school came around the same kids that played football and basketball then, now had access to official high school basketball and football teams. I at the time begun to transition into the sport of amateur boxing and I had gotten quite good. Both teams basketball and football now had the opportunity to be scouted by college coaches. Those players on both teams had the opportunity for scholarships, grants and full rides due to their prowess in the sports of football and basketball.
Unfortunately, no such thing currently exist for a kid who likes to box. The reason is because there is no high school boxing teams. High School boxing is not a sport and my argument is that it should be. I strongly feel that if there were high school boxing teams when I was in school, I certainly would have be awarded a scholarship based on my talent. It is unfair that such opportunities don't exist for students who love other sports, rather than the mainstream. There are so many options to choose from when it comes to high school sports. Basketball, baseball, tennis, track, volleyball, soccer, football, wrestling, lacrosse,....etc. The list goes on and on. I can't fathom why boxing wouldn't be allowed to be a high school sport. Some people may claim that boxing is filled with injury. However, wrestling, football, soccer, and lacrosse are high injury sports. In fact according to Dr. Nathan Hinkeldey from Team Chiropractic & Rehabilitation "High school, college, and professional football combine to rack up thousands of injuries every year. Yet the sport is still allowed to be played in school." So why not boxing?
"Football Injuries." Johnston Chiropractic Chiropractor Johnston IA RSS. N.p., n.d. Web. 21 Mar. 2013.
Comment about High School Boxing:
ReplyDeleteTopic sentence: If you replace the first dot with a comma, your topic sentence makes more sense.
Support: Dr. Hinkeldey’s quote is missing. I was looking forward to reading about it.
Transitions: There are no transitions because of one paragraph. Could you be able to write more about the topic?
Quote: Quote is missing.
Grammar and spelling: You could check if all the sentences are independent with verbs and nouns, if not then change and add those.
Strong argument: Your argument makes sense.
One compliment: You have included great pictures and are very passionate about your topic!
One suggestion: Add a quote since it will give strength to your post!
I believe/ I think: No “I think/I believe” statements used to state opinions.
ReplyDeleteTopic sentence - The topic sentence does not act much as an umbrella for the rest of your blog post.
ReplyDeleteSupport - The picture is a good way to illustrate the injuries. The other support where you wanted to quote the doctor is missing.
Transitions - Your transition from first paragraph to the one at the end didn’t go well because the support was missing.
Quote (in "quote sandwich" format with proper MLA citation) - The quote from Dr. Nathan Hinkeldey is not there.
Grammar and spelling - Comma should be used instead of period, very first sentence.
Strong argument - I think a strong argument could be made when you include the comment from Dr. Nathan Hinkeldey.
One compliment: You have many strong arguments that convey your beliefs. They arguments would be very insensible to completely disregard.
One suggestion: At the bottom where you say that football in college and high school are responsible for many injuries, so why should boxing not be allowed is not a developed argument. You should tell how much less injuries occur compared to football so that you can claim that it should be allowed if football is.